Archive for the pay TV Category

It’s funny because it’s true [reality TV]

Posted in Australiana, hee!, pay TV, reality TV on August 7, 2008 by jetsamjr

“They were saying he was a fat Ronan Keating” – Football Superstar contestant Evan, about host Brian McFadden. “They” are so right.


Demelza not in vogue at Vogue [Australia’s Next Top Model]

Posted in Australia's Next Top Model, Australiana, gossip, pay TV on July 31, 2008 by jetsamjr

Sweet-on-the-outside-poison-on-the-inside Top Model winner Demelza has surfaced in the pages of Vogue Australia… but she’s only there because it was one of the terms of her victory, not because they like her or anything. While conceding that Demelza “scrubbed up all right”, the mag’s editor Kristie Clements also bitched that “she’s no Alice Burdeu“… which is the modelling equivalent of a Final Smash.

Jodhi Meares digs self out of hole [Australia’s Next Top Model]

Posted in Australia's Next Top Model, Australiana, gossip, pay TV on July 21, 2008 by jetsamjr

So this new magazine launched today called Grazia; I know this because a copy of it landed on my desk this morning, even though I’m not trashy or stylish or female enough to fall within the mag’s target audience.

Anyway, Grazia leads with a super-soft, obsequious interview with Jodhi Meares (its last line is literally all like “We wish Jodhi the best of luck, mwah mwah!”, blergh) which promises to expose the real reason behind her split from last month’s Top Model finale. Basically, Jodhi never intended to do the live finale, but Foxtel and her (now ex-) manager Priscilla Leighton-Clark tried to boss her into doing it right up till the last minute. Which still doesn’t explain why Jodhi didn’t appear in the finale at all, but whatever.


Australia’s next top male model [Australia’s Next Top Model]

Posted in Australia's Next Top Model, Australiana, pay TV on May 27, 2008 by jetsamjr

Australia’s Next Top Model pissed me off last week, then tried to make it up to me this week with the TV equivalent of a bunch of last-minute service-station flowers: an elimination that was neither surprising nor infuriating. (A Jonathan Pease-free instalment would’ve been rosy, but you can’t have it all.) Leiden and her mannish whinging had it coming all episode; while Jamie is as dull as she is beautiful.

The real stunner of the episode was the judges’ insistence that the aspiring models are fat. Charlotte, that epitome of graceful restraint, rolled out the old “fatty boombah” chestnut. Sure, modelling is an industry unafraid of twig limbs and jutting hipbones, but, does a show aimed so shamelessly at teenage girls really need to make out like lean Rebecca and willowy Alyce are corpulent heifers who need to develop a treadmill addiction?

Continue reading

Bitches away! [Australia’s Next Top Model – Are You Model Material?]

Posted in Australia's Next Top Model, Australiana, pay TV, reality TV on April 22, 2008 by jetsamjr

Let’s not do that thing where we drape our addiction to Australia’s Next Top Model in irony, pretending we only watch it because we love bad TV or whatever. Instead, let’s just admit we tune in because we’re reality TV whores who are just as trashy as the models who populate the show, mmkay?

And seriously: what a scraggy pack of molls. I have a pretty high embarrassment tolerance (you have to develop one when you stumble in public as much as I do), but even I had to avert my delicate gaze when the girls squealed like pigs when showered with product-placed freebies, and when they acted like they were on the school excursion from hell when they tripped out to Fox Studios to film the cycle four promo.

I haven’t yet decided which model I hate most – I’m spoiled for choice. But I think I might kind of love Alamela, the precious oddball who’s so ridiculously prim she couldn’t even bring herself to impersonate a ninja schoolgirl. Plus all the skankiest girls hate her, which she should take as a compliment.

Final thoughts:

Jodhi Meares has no personality…

… and Jonathan Pease has no soul.

Pay TV’s “night of nights” is everyone else’s Monday [pay TV]

Posted in Australiana, news, pay TV on April 22, 2008 by christopherwhitmore

As if the smug, self-congratulatory, Denton-less Logie Awards aren’t enough of a cultural cringe, the 6th Annual Astra Awards were held last night to wide-spread disinterest.

Proving that the only people who care about another talentless award night are media whores and party lushes, the event was attended by none other than our D-list best: Sarah Murdoch, Deborra-Lee Furness, Ita Buttrose and Merrick and Rosso each took turns parading on the red carpet while Antonia Kidman and Jimmy Barnes cemented their position among the lonely housewife set by winning the favourite female and male personality awards.

Tellingly, even desperate media outlets who’ll publish the most tawdry gossip have steered clear of reporting from the Astras. If they don’t care, I sure as hell don’t.

Arena is the new Bravo [news]

Posted in Australiana, news, pay TV on April 17, 2008 by jetsamjr

Even though I pay a ridiculous amount of money per month to receive a gazillion Foxtel channels, I spend most of my TV time watching just a handful of them: one such channel is Arena, who’ve inked a deal with Bravo to receive a big chunk of their content. Arenaphiles probably already know that the network airs a lot of Bravo stuff, but now it’s all exclusive and whatever.

Conclusion: the deal reduces the likelihood I’ll expand my channel surfing beyond Arena any time soon.