“I was expecting Cary Grant and I got Danny DeVito” [Gossip Girl – Bonfire of the Vanity]

Gossip Girl

I would cry too, if my hair looked like that.

Six months ago I didn’t mind Dan and Rufus Humphrey but I haaaaated Jenny. Now I think Jenny is a hot brat, and I haaaaate Dan and Rufus. What a turnaround!

Actually I think I like Jenny mostly because she is surrounded by morons – not just her father and her brother, but also her loathsome friend Agnes, who is Georgina Sparks minus the spark. I found Willa Holland annoying the first moment she stepped into the series; I found her extra super mega annoying once she inexplicably turned into a dress-burning crazy psycho bitch. Please let her only return to the series if it’s to receive a gloriously bitchy comeuppance.

Speaking of inexplicable behaviour: Bart Bass falling in love with a wet blanket Dan? What!? Even more inexplicable: that anyone takes Dan seriously as a writer at all. His writing aptitude is the least convincing plot point in any teen drama since Dawson’s Creek attempted to palm off Joey Potter as a scholastic genius, a fact that was rammed home when Dan’s clunky, horrible story was actually depicted onscreen:

Gossip Girl

Ugh. You suck, Dan.

Meanwhile, LOL:

Gossip Girl

I love when Blair is unashamedly bitchy, but I love even more when she’s outfoxed.

But while Wallace Shawn is awesome, his onscreen son Aaron is wretched. Not only is he a manipulative player (I can’t believe he got Serena to apologise to him after jerking her around all episode! You stupid girl!), he’s not nearly good-looking enough to justify his wooden acting. (Which reminds me: where was Chace Crawford this week?)

And lastly… just me, or is Cyndi Lauper the most random Gossip Girl guest star ever?

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