Motherchucker [Gossip Girl – Summer, Kind of Wonderful]

Hmmm. Gossip Girl is fun and artfully trashy oozes money. But I am not at all buzzed about the season two premiere, which was kind of… meh. At the end of the episode Gossip Girl herself told us “You ain’t seen nothing yet”, and she meant it as a tempting promise of things to come, but really it just hit home that nothing that great actually happened.

I guess what bothered me is that everything felt so contrived – like, when the most plausible event in an episode is the revelation that Blair’s boring new boyfriend is actually an English lord (sporting a terrible English accent, by the way), you know you’ve got problems.

A short list of some of the more offensive contrivances:

  • Chuck, who dropped Blair at the end of season one, decides he’s actually in love with her and desperately wants her back… or something? So that whole plot twist in the finale was… ultimately kind of pointless?
  • Erik decides to forgive that little troll Jenny Humphries, even though the only reason she apologised to him was so that she could gain entry to the exclusive White Party and further her budding fashion career
  • Serena’s bitchy grandma is suddenly so in love with Dan that she gives him a ticket to the White Party
  • … which he just happens to stumble into in time to see Serena pashing Nate in order to make his much-older lover jealous
  • … and Dan gets all pissy about Serena pashing other guys, even though he’s been pashing girls all over New York all summer, and then the two girls he’s been pashing just happen to meet each other at the White Party and discover he’s been three-timing all of them

And speaking of Nate and his much-older lover… only he could make such a titillating plot so deadly dull. Chace Crawford tries so hard with the mysterious glowers, but he really isn’t much more than a(n incredibly) pretty face.

The reviews of the first three episodes have been positive, so I’m confident that Gossip Girl will pick up the pace. I just hope it does so quickly… xoxo

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