Most gratuitous penis ever [Sex and the City: The Movie]

Give fans too much and you risk muddying what made them fans in the first place (see also: Indiana Jones… which I liked, but I know plenty who hated it). But giving the fans everything they ever wanted and more is what Sex and the City: The Movie does – and it not only gives them more, it lets them gorge, binge and pick at every last morsel of the show.

That said, I liked it a lot. I liked it despite the ever-present and off-putting hype, despite the overcooked labelphilia (did the TV series ever offer loving close-ups of expensive fashion brands with so little shame or irony?), despite flaws so puffed-up they make Carrie Bradshaw’s wedding gown look tasteful by comparison.

I expected the movie to be long, and it was. Two-and-a-half hours is waaaaay longer than we usually spend with the girls (long enough to make you realise they really are vapid a-holes), so the film lacked the TV show’s zip and sparkle. But most of the scenes and subplots didn’t feel long as much as they felt unnecessary. Jennifer Hudson’s entire character? Could’ve been cut. Charlotte’s pregnancy? An excuse to give her something to do (ie, wear a fat suit for a few scenes, then instantly revert back to her perfect figure post-birth). The excursion to New York Fashion Week? It’s called “editing”, Michael Patrick King.

Charlotte, as discussed, was entirely useless. Though she did crap her pants, which: hee.

Miranda, who’s usually my favourite, earned points by having probably  the best storyline. (I didn’t get misty once during the movie, because I’m cold and heartless, but if I wasn’t I would’ve teared up during her reunion with Steve on the Brooklyn Bridge.) Too bad she lost points with her “Let’s follow that white man in a Chinese neighbourhood!” quip. Har har. Also? I didn’t really need to see her and Steve going at it. Um.

Samantha, der, was crass and sex-wanting. I have major problems with her and Smith’s too-clean, too-easy break-up – they’re in a relationship five years and they break up in five minutes? And her reason is: “I love me more than you”? Huh? Is that feminism in action or something?

And Carrie. Oh, Carrie. The movie reminded me why sometimes I love her and sometimes hate her; she flitted back and forth between the extremes as easily as she hopped from one subplot to another. Here she is casually eating sandwiches in Central Park with Miranda, but here she is snarking about her friends’ woes; here she is breaking our hearts with her make-up free sad face, but here she is inexplicably affording an assistant and $300 cushions.

I’m not sure I buy Big’s transition from “I’m mysterious, dangerous and commitment-phobic but I love you” to “I’m desperately needy and I can’t marry you”. Yes, it must be very difficult to have a huge, lavish wedding. Shut up, Big. Grow a pair, whydon’tcha.

I make it sound like I really hated it, but I didn’t (except for that Stanford/Anthony kiss. Unforgiveable). It’s a great flick. It’s much lighter and sweeter than I expected. And that last line – “love is the one label that never goes out of style” – suckered me in.

 

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2 Responses to “Most gratuitous penis ever [Sex and the City: The Movie]”

  1. pondie84 Says:

    I kind of liked Indiana Jones too… until the terrible CGI alien bits at the end.

  2. […] You might also like… ¤ Most gratuitous penis ever […]

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